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Too Pretty to See Her

Life with a BPD teen is about ebbs and flows, mostly flows as in tsunamis. I have just returned from leaving my daughter at a psychiatric hospital following an episode of suicidal threats as well as physical assault and verbal harassment against myself and abuse to the police and hospital staff. This is the 5th time for hospitalization and each time the result is the same. It is a holding tank, while she explains she did not mean any of it and off she goes with a treatment plan she does not have to adhere. This is what I have come to realize, you have to be proactive in getting the substantial treatment a child like mine requires and even then, you are met with opposition, incredulous speculation and resistance. It is almost like there has to be blood or a body before the proper action is taken. But whose??? กลุมลับ

My daughter was diagnosed with BPD over a year ago and prior to that had diagnosis of Reactive Attachment  Disorder, Major Depressive, Mood Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She has been in therapy for 4 years for the last 3 disorders but there is disagreement between the consulting and treating psychiatrist so BPD is going untreated at present. One of the reasons is because of that argument but the more important reason is my daughter refused to cooperate with her treating psychiatrist. She would go for 15 minutes every 2-4 weeks and only say she hated the doctor, hated me and her life. She was given Abilify, Wellbutrin, Prozac and Trileptal-at different times in the hopes to identify the right combination. In June she took herself off of all the drugs because she just decided she had no symptoms and it was all a conspiracy by me to control her. The diagnosis of BPD came with a recommendation of immediate treatment in a controlled facility to give her a chance at normalcy or her life could quickly spiral out of control. That time is NOW. The self-destructive, self-damaging and dangerous behaviors have been escalating at an alarming speed. She not only places herself at risk, she is also engaging others in her behavior and gets into physical altercations on a regular basis. She is so blinded by this mental incapacity that she believes she is entitled to attack anyone, without provocation. Don’t get me started on the at-risk sexual behaviors, it is so disheartening to know your child is always in danger, even if the powers -that- be cannot see it.

I have come to one conclusion in the last few days. My daughter is a very pretty girl, physically. No one is able to discern that her heart and soul are darkened so they react to her facade. I notice that because she is attractive, people tolerate much more from her than if she were-well-ugly. I have understood this most of my life but watching what is going on with my child is reinforcing that in a way that is scary. Pretty is as pretty does. I used to say that about attractive people who feel entitled to certain freedoms simply by virtue of their ease on the eyes. But pretty is a layer and nothing more. It may only be genetics or it may be a strived for goal, to always look pleasing and becoming. Here is my point, such a shallow attribute has nothing to do with who she is, or who anyone is- that is the presentation. And if my child were homely, far fewer people would be agreeable to allowing her to continue her abhorrent behaviors. I find, with all the roadblocks I have been encountering, this was a surprise to count as one. My daughter is drowning, being attacked by an illness that has yet to find a relief and losing a battle that could cost her her life. Pretty is of no consequence to me, I am praying for her heart, mind, and soul to be beautiful and most of all-HEALED.

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